Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Sexual Healing Dreams, Ode to Spring

I sometimes refer to myself as Pagan, (which comes from a lovely Latin word for person of the earth, or country). Pagans recognize Feminine, as well as, Masculine divinities. Feb 2nd, now affectionately known as “Ground Hog Day” was once the pagan celebration of Spring. Imbolc, as this holiday is known in Celtic traditions, is dedicated to Spring and the Goddess/Creatrix, Brigid. Brigid is patroness of many things, among them, art in all its manifestations. She is the fire of creativity deep within our souls. “Imbolc” means, “fire in the belly”. It’s the official pagan beginning of Spring.

This year in the NE, it’s easy to believe Spring is here; years like last, it was more of a leap of faith. But even with snow on the ground, country people recognized that seeds are waking up under ground, the sap is flowing in the maples and animals are getting frisky. It’s no surprise that February has a Valentine’s day, a celebration of erotic love. According to Wikipedia, the month’s name derives from Februa, a Roman Spring purification ritual performed on the February full moon. Wiki also says; “Some sources connect the Latin word for fever (febris)…” To me Spring and February connote libido in all its glorious manifestations, erotic and creative, heating up existence, as in "you give me fever".

Taking advantage of this fire in Nature’s belly I’d like to wax poetic about one of my favorite topics, sex in dreams. The delicate or faint hearted among you may want to stop reading here.

I’m of the opinion that when women aren’t having happy orgasms, they get grumpy or depressed. I’d say it’s that way for me and for many of the women with whom I’ve discussed this, (the same may be true for men; I don’t know). I define “happy orgasm” as an orgasmic experience that leaves me feeling good about myself and, if I’m with a partner, good about that person, too.

I wonder how many people feel deprived of such joy and release in life; and I wonder how different it might be for many if the sexual pleasure dreams offer were to be accepted and explored. I know this is a touchy subject :-), but there is such potential for healing here. It’s a personal healing that doesn’t need to be shared with anyone; it’s kind of like what happens in Vegas...this is the dream world (or worlds). I can experience things on different levels of reality, differently.

Without guilt, for one. One of my favorite jokes is; religion is guilt with different holidays. If I can fly, breathe under water, walk through walls and experience the Light in dreams, then why should I deny a good orgasm when I’m offered it?

Each person has his or her sexual paradigm founded on many personal conscious and unconscious factors, but our cultural paradigm is a shared, consensus reality. Let’s face it, sexual paradigms in our culture suck. There’s extreme repression in the religious/moral camp and extreme exploitation in the sex sells consumer camp.

In dreams we're offered alternate scenarios; our dreams may offer a playground for sexual healing and release that is completely personal, private and the safest of safe sex.

As Dorothy Sayers famously said, “The only sin passion can commit is to be joyless.”

In dreams, we can be safe, be loved and be free of material world consequences. One caution, I would never submit to any entity or any character in a dream state that is asking me to do what I don’t want to do. But if a fun opportunity presents itself, I feel free to explore it.

How each woman gets her happy orgasm is her business; I am here to say that for young and old alike, never underestimate the power of a dream to get us over that rainbow not just once, in the dream, but in countless private re-entry sessions, (like the fantasy script one could use while one makes love to oneself). It’s easier to be a good lover to another if we’ve embraced our own sexuality.

I don’t mean sexiness; I’m saddened by the epidemic of insecurity and uniformity I see in many women trying to replicate cultural icons. I am very excited, though, by many young women who are taking their lives and talents into their own hands, despite social pressures, like Adele.

Dream orgasms may freak some people out. Maybe, in your dream, you were making love to the pope or somebody else totally inappropriate. (OMG, I just thought of a fabulous reference to this that I read many years ago,a short story titled, "Pope Innocent XV: Scenes from a Dream" by Rose Solomon in the wonderful anthology, "Ladies Home Erotica")

There are plenty of ways to ponder erotic dreams that can prove very healing.

First, of course, eliminate from the erotic category any dream that is a replay of a traumatic waking event, a Post Traumatic Stress Dream. No dream with waking reality traumatic, repetitive content should be handled lightly, and best not alone. A trained therapist with dream experience should be able to offer the guidance necessary to use such dreams for healing.

That said, if it’s my sexy dream, I’d ask myself these questions: “How do I feel waking up and in my dream? What do I like about this dream lover, setting, action, image? Am I witnessing a relationship in another life, past or future, or on another level of reality? Is there dream content about unconscious feelings I might wish to address compassionately with myself? Do I want to call an ally and re-enter in a conscious dream to dialogue, get information or experiment with other outcomes? Is this dream a ten on the level of my favorite sexual fantasies?

It’s always important to assess how you feel; is the story disturbing, titillating, horrifying or absolutely pleasurable, even if it’s weird and freaks my ego out?

I admit, I prefer the uncomplicated sexual dreams that feel just plain good, like when Eric Clapton and I had a lovely affair while he was here giving guitar lessons to Jim. (Shortly after I dreamed this, Clapton’s yacht, the Blue Guitar, anchored outside of Charles Island, CT, probably on his way back from visiting Keith. A musician friend rang our bell early that morning to tell us it was there and we marched to the beach, just feet away, with binoculars. What are the chances of an Eric citing if you don’t live next door to him?).

I especially value my dreams of a lover that is a stranger, a person clearly in another dimension, a parallel reality. In my dream, I meet him and get to know him; the fire heats up between us. I can enjoy that dream adventure to the (cli)max; yet still, transfer that energy, that positive feeling, into my waking dimension on this material plane. When my dreams grant me such pleasure, whoooo, baby, I can use those scenarios for years. Lucky for me, new ones come along frequently enough, keeping it always fresh.

All I’m saying is, why suffer in misery when you can look to your dreams for a little excitement? As many have heard me say, it’s the safest sex there is. Keeping a journal ensures that you’ll always have access to your own best material. And who knows, dreams might help you write the next great bodice ripper. Hmmmm, now there’s a thought.

Happy dreams, my friends.

This sensational nude, fittingly titled "Dreaming" is painted by award winning pastel artist, Mally DeSomma or


  1. My delicious dreaming friend - this is magnificent writing! It ought to reach a far and wide audience. You have flung wide open the door of my inner spring self! Thank you!!

  2. Thanks, dear friend. That makes at least two of us dancing around; we could start a revolution.

  3. Thank you! Great article! Would write more but I am going to test this out. ;-)

  4. Robert's comment on my FB page about this post: "Muy suave, cara Adelita. May I also suggest that sex in dreams is sometimes a metaphor for something else, such as intimacy on a different plane?"